Growing up really sucks.
Why can’t my bed open up and swallow me into a big comfy abyss?
I find it amazing that musicians, and more specifically songwriters, can have an amazing talent to write beautiful, poetic words that when added to good music can have the overwhelming effect to keep a person from giving up; to have them open their eyes in the morning and make a decision to carry on, even though they slept terribly.
Every time I can’t sleep and I turn to my iPod for support there is always a new song waiting to put me to sleep, even if that song has been sitting around for years, collecting virtual dust. The perfect song has the ability to drown my mind, tell it to shut up, and it listen to someone else’s words for at least three minutes. Sometimes it even calms me down, makes me yawn, and can make me tired enough to finally sleep.
Last night, I turned to music that makes me nostalgic for my preteen years.
And that’s when the “I don’t want to grow up” thought popped into my head. That’s not a new though, though. I never wanted to grow up. I wanted to live, but I just wanted to stop getting older. I acted old for my age when I was really young, but I generally still didn’t look to the future. I’m glad I was like that, I cherished my innocence, I guess, but now it just sucks that much more because I never wanted this, and I still don’t.
But as long as I have my music to listen to, everything will be just that much more bearable, especially on those nights, like last night, where I can’t sleep because I’m just too upset to do anything except lie in bed.
I wrote most of what you read above last night while lying in bed, and I was basically having a fit because I was growing up. It happens every once in a while, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. But basically music helps, and then I took a picture of my iPod in the darkness of my room because it kind of reflects my mind when I find those songs that get my thoughts to shut up. Soon I’ll make a playlist of all the songs I listen to and that help me sleep.